One of the most damaging ideas in American culture today is that man made marriage for his own convenience.  Evolution has many damaging applications, but this one is one of the worst.  In less than fifty years the logical conclusions from this false premise have come to include the notions that men should be allowed to marry men, that women are not really different from men, and that men and women should be allowed to move into and out of marriage without fear of damaging their children and themselves.  Thankfully, even some secularists are beginning to document how destructive it is to people to have to survive a broken home.

Marriage is not a human solution.  Human marriage is not a sophisticated form of what we see among Canada geese.  It is a divine solution to a divinely designed need of man.  It is the picture of the deep and spiritual relationship between the Creator and the creature: Man.  It is the foundational relationship in society and the fiber of every human institution.  It was ordained before human government, even before the church, and neither church nor government has a right to change it. 

God created marriage and He laid down the rules.  They are summarized quite simply: get married, stay married, and get along.  Opposing this simple plan is one of the greatest time-wasters in life.  Ask any couple that has learned to stop fighting for their own selfish interests and decided to work together, if they would not like to have those years of conflict back and you’ll get a humble nod or the submissive assertion, “If that’s what it took to learn it, the lesson was worth it.”  God is in charge of marriage; He has a right to have His way in marriage; He alone knows what is best for marriage partners.  The reason is simple: God created marriage.

There are many views of marriage, even among Christians.  The world thinks intimate relationships are based on physical relationships.  Less physically minded people think, more wisely they suppose, that marriage is built on love.  Of course there are some who think compatibility, whether financial, social, or in personality is the key.  Compatibility is important, but people are about as compatible as they decide to be.  There are some who are in love with themselves that look for someone just like themselves and call it compatibility.  None of these is a suitable foundation for a Biblical marriage.  The marriage that honors God is based on commitment.

Wedding celebrations are including more and more activities to show how much the couple has in common, how they fell in love and what they did on dates.  Guests love the sweetness of the romance as much as they love the icing on the cake.  But the “meat and potatoes” of the marriage is in the vows.  They don’t say, “I love you,” but “I will love you.”  The shallowness of commitment is often seen when the couple are only able to enjoy the “richer, and healthy, and better” part but not the “poorer, sicker, and worse” part to which they committed themselves.

Marriage is a covenant, “a binding and solemn agreement made… to do or keep from doing a specified thing,” according to Webster.  A popular safeguard these days is the so-called “pre-nuptial agreement”—the contract before the wedding—where the lawyers make the deal and then they meet with the preacher for the pictures.  That characterizes the heart of Christian marriages sometimes.  When people have the attitude, “Here is what you are not going to do to me,” instead of “here is what I’m going to do for you,” the results are what we see.  If you want a Christ-honoring marriage, commitment is the key.

Ladies, whenever you are tempted to think your role in marriage is demeaning, consider the facts.  It is not demeaning to be a helper, since God himself is a helper (see Ps 33:20, 70:5, 115:9).  The order of creation should be an encouragement to you.  God made animals first, then man, and finally, woman.  Although that fact suggests a lot of humorous applications, it’s still a fact.  You were made to be a helper, but the man you help is still responsible.  He is the protector and provider, and you are the helper. 

He is the “point man” that meets the enemy first, but you are guarding his back.  Men and women are different for a reason.  They compliment each other, complete each other, and care for each other because of their differences, not in spite of them.  God made the man alone, then He made a suitable companion for him.  All of this is God’s design and He does all things well.  Yet, marriage problems are everywhere, even in Christian homes.  Did God make a mistake?  Was He wrong to put two incompatible beings in the same kitchen at the same time—with knives at hand?  Impossible.  He makes no mistakes.

Men, more than women, break things before they read the owner’s manual.  Women tend to read the manual so they won’t break things.  That is probably the reason so many women are the spiritual leaders of their homes.  Sadly, when a man breaks something, reading the manual is not his first thought since it’s too late by then.  He just wants to get a new one and not break it in the same way because of his vast experience.  You can model for him the way to look for leadership so he will not demand your help while ignoring God’s.  Rejoice that God made you a helper, because men need help.

A wise man once said, “It is better to be single and wish you were married, than to be married and wish you were single.”  Probably, but conventional wisdom like this is far less helpful than the wisdom of the Word.  Whenever we teach principles of marriage, those who are single can feel left out or sad.  Just as marriage is God’s divinely designed solution to “aloneness,” that aloneness is God’s divinely designed dilemma.  Knowing that He designed it brings grace.  Yes, God made marriage for companionship, but being single doesn’t mean you are doomed to loneliness.

When God said, in Genesis 2:18, “it is not good that the man should be alone,” he did not mean that it is not morally good, but that loneliness suggests incompleteness.  (Nor did he mean that women adjust to being single better than men, since it’s not good for the “man,” as one fellow tried to explain.)  It has been suggested that singleness tends toward selfishness since the sacrifices required of married people are not required of single people.  Those who are bitter about their singleness seldom see the selfishness in bitterness.  In the will of God, singleness is actually a blessing.

There are some ministries that God calls people to that can only be done by the single.  Paul taught that there is some benefit in being single so that men can serve the Lord without distraction (1 Cor 7:26ff).  Being single for such service is a gift from God (see vs. 7).  Sometimes God-given circumstances cause people to be single, but sinful thinking robs them of the grace to accept it.  Sometimes God has not gifted a person for living alone, but carnality and immaturity makes him unattractive to potential marriage partners.  One thing is certain, if you are single and miserable, it’s not God’s fault.